Another Life
by bluefurcape
Summary: Sakura's dreams of another life starts making her want to have more.
1. Chapter 1

There was an odd, recurring dream she had at least once a week. In these dreams, Sakura still looked like herself, still lived in the same home she shared with Sarada and her often absent husband. Actually, it was inaccurate to call it a 'recurring' dream because it was never the same thing twice. Rather, the dream showed her later points in time, as if things kept happening while she wasn't there. She was having one of those dreams right now.

 _"_ _Got the eggplant." Kakashi held up the plastic grocery bag that was suspiciously more full than it would have been with a single eggplant._

 _Sakura stilled her hands over vegetables she had been chopping, her head jerking up at the sight of her former teacher just entering her house like he belong there._

 _…_ _Because he did belong there. In this dream._

 _"_ _Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." He chuckled, coming over and giving her a peck on the cheek._

 _She suppressed the flinch that came to her instinctively._

 _Kakashi's grin beneath his mask faded. "What's wrong?"_

 _"_ _N-nothing." Sakura scanned the ingredients in front of her and the index card scrawled with her own handwriting of a recipe she'd copied down years ago from her mother. "Dinner will be ready soon."_

 _"_ _It's lunch…" He set down the grocery bag on the counter opposite from her then crossed his arms. "All right, who are you?"_

 _Sakura whirled._

 _"_ _Don't think I haven't noticed. Every now and again you come in and impersonate my wife, but you are not her. I've kept quiet trying to see what you wanted, but I'm getting sick of you playing games like this. You're usually only here for a short amount of time." He tilted his head. "You better not have done something with Sakura."_

 _Her shoulders stiffened and she crossed her arms too. "I'm not your wife." She didn't know why she felt a stab of guilt when his brow creased at her declaration. "I'm Sasuke's. This is a dream."_

 _All she did was describe the truth, but his eyes went dark with barely suppressed anger. He closed the gap between them in the small kitchen, caging her in with his arms on either side of her, hands clenched against the edge of the counter. "This is_ **not** _a dream. This is my life. Get out."_

Sakura gasped, sitting up in the bed, shaking. She patted the spot next to her before remembering that Sasuke had left again two weeks ago. What a strange dream. However it seemed that her subconscious had grown guilty about her living a life with another man at last. Dream-Kakashi had never questioned her before. But he had been furious. Far angrier than she'd ever seen him in real life, battles included.

She sighed, rubbing her face. These dreams left her feeling more drained than she was before sleeping. She was afraid to close her eyes again, in case she slipped back. 5:40 AM. Sarada must still be asleep.

Sakura crept downstairs. She could use the time to surprise her daughter with a nice bento to take on her mission today. There would be, of course, the standard issued packaged meals provided to the chunin going out, but they certainly couldn't compare to one prepared lovingly by a mother. She hummed to herself because that was the only way she could block out the dream.

It was so strange. It wasn't like she wanted to be married to Kakashi. She'd never even given him a second thought as a romantic partner. The dream world was incredibly detailed and elaborate too. She was amazed her mind could come up with such a thing. In the dreams, she felt she had been married to Kakashi for quite some time. There were photos, honest to goodness memories, of trips taken, life events captured. Sakura tried to keep herself from glancing up at the only family photo she had of the people she considered the most precious to her.

Real. This was real. She repeated the mantra to herself as she washed vegetables in the sink, concentrating on the sensation of water running over her skin.

In those dreams, Sarada was not there. Couldn't be there, because Sakura had never married Sasuke. That was something she could not accept.

Sarada later came downstairs, still in her pajamas. A stack of hotcakes greeted her, paired with butter and golden syrup. And some sausages. And scrambled eggs. "Mom how am I going to eat all this?" Sarada laughed as she sat down.

Sakura joined her daughter at the table with a plate of her own. "You're going to need a lot of energy for your big mission today."

Sarada grimaced. "It's just an escort mission. They won't let us go on anything really fun."

"You'll be getting the really hard missions soon enough, so enjoy these while they last." Sakura's heart panged, but she tried not to let it show, knowing how true her own words were.

#

"Yo."

Sakura sighed. "You're a retired man—how do you get hurt so often?"

Kakashi lifted and dropped his shoulders.

"What was the bet this time?" she asked without looking up from his chart.

"Gai wanted to see who could hold wheelies the longest on a wheelchair. Then a cargo wagon appeared out of no where." Kakashi widened his eyes. "Truly, the driver knew a very strong genjutsu."

Sakura kept her face blank.

He didn't say anything more.

She narrowed her glare, pinning him with it.

He tilted his head like a puppy wondering what was going on.

Finally, she snorted. "Stupid."

"I never claimed to be anything but what I am." He chuckled.

The quiet laughter faded and Sakura began to sterilize the scrapes running down his arm. The dream occurred to her again. Kakashi as her husband. What would he be like? At the moment, all she had to go on was her own experiences and the few glimpses from her dreams. In real life, he was generally so withholding and secretive.

"How come you never got married, sensei?"

"Hmm?"

"Was there nobody special in your life?" She finished healing the scrapes on his arm and the slight sprain in his wrist. She pointed to his knee as the next target.

"Ah. Well, I did almost get married once." Kakashi obediently stuck out his leg and rolled up the ragged cloth so that she could inspect properly.

Oh? He'd never mentioned that before.

He continued, "But it didn't end well because on the day of the wedding he found out I was a man infiltrating his family to steal valuable secrets."

Typical.

"I bet you were a beautiful bride," Sakura commented lightly.

"He will always remember me as the one that got away."

She shook her head ruefully at herself. Even if it were a possibility, Kakashi would be exactly like himself as a husband. Misleading as hell and tight lipped to a fault.

Why was she even thinking about it? She was a married woman for goodness sake. Damn her errant curiosity.

"Do I get a lollipop?" he asked hopefully when she was done.

She sighed, reaching into her coat pocket and pulling out a brightly green piece of candy on a stick. Just as he reached for it, she snatched it back, tearing off the plastic and sticking it into her own mouth.

He pouted. "That was mine."

She removed it with a loud smack, resting the candy against her lips. "Still want it?"

His brows lowered. His gaze lingered on the sugary treat before he dragged his eyes away, coughing. "It's got your cooties."

"Hmph."

#

 _"_ _Happy birthday."_

 _Sakura jerked, trailing earrings jostling against her head. She looked down at her hands, beautifully manicured with a gradient of shimmering gold. Her image in the red wine sitting in the glass reflected her impeccable makeup framed by a hairstyle that must have taken an hour at least to complete. She picked at the folds of the red dress she wore. She'd never seen this thing in her closet in her entire life, but she had to admit that her dream self had good taste._

 _"_ _Sakura?" Kakashi spoke._

 _She sat back in her seat, taking in her surroundings. It was the Orchid, the fanciest restaurant in Konoha with a waitlist months long for a reservation. Sasuke had taken her there once, long ago, for an anniversary dinner._

 _"_ _Ah. So it is you. I thought so," he said, sighing. "Tonight is kind of an important night so if you don't mind returning my wife…?"_

 _"_ _Look buddy, I can't keep waking up earlier than my alarm clock. I had a really late shift at the hospital today and I would appreciate all the sleep I can get. If I can dream about eating at this place again, then I'm staying." Sakura picked up her fork and stabbed the salad before her._

 _"_ _Sakura, I know you're still there. Come back to me."_

 _"_ _I am Sakura."_

 _"_ _No. You're not." His jaw clenched._

 _"_ _Believe what you want." She shrugged. "I know the real Kakashi would never take anybody out to a restaurant this nice and pay."_

 _"_ _The real…excuse me, I am the real Kakashi."_

 _"_ _Ha. Now you know how it feels."_

 _"_ _Why won't any of the tests tell us anything?" he mumbled to himself in frustration, running a hand through his hair. Then, to her, "Can you at least let her eat her dessert? She's been looking forward to it for weeks."_

 _"_ _Is it double chocolate mousse with raspberries?" She pouted. "But that's my favorite dessert."_

 _"_ _What is this? Are you secretly unhappy? Tell me what I can do—I'm begging you." He reached across the table for her hand, but she wouldn't let him take it._

 _"_ _I appreciate the nice date, but I'm married to Sasuke."_

 _"_ _No, you are not. You are married to me." He took back his spurned hand, curling it into a fist. The gold wedding band glinted in the candlelight._

 _"_ _Why in the world would I ever marry you? It makes absolutely no sense." She looked at him with genuine curiosity._

 _Kakashi flinched and she immediately regretted her bluntness. Rationally, she knew he wasn't real, but she didn't want to be cruel._

 _"_ _If this will make you come back, I'll tell you." His gaze lowered to the small candle sitting inside its glass jar. "It was five years ago. You made me chocolates for the Love Festival as a friend. I gave you flowers as thanks on White Day. I said I really liked the ones with nuts in it and you offered to show me how to make it. I burned that chocolate, but it was on purpose so that we could try again._

 _After that, I couldn't stay away from you. Any excuse I could come up with to spend more time with you was good enough. I thought you wouldn't be ready to move on from Sasuke, but one day, caught in the rain, you kissed me first. It was the happiest day of my life—until the day we got married."_

 _Sakura's fork had frozen midway to her mouth and she stared at him in shock. The lettuce dropped back onto the plate. "Did that really happen?"_

 _"_ _Yes. I won't let anyone, not even you, deny that it did."_

 _"_ _That's actually…kind of sweet. So, are you two happy?"_

 _"_ _I'd like to believe so, although these strange episodes you're causing her is really worrying."_

 _"_ _In my life, I'm married to Sasuke." She held up her hand when he tried to protest. "I have a daughter named Sarada. I only see you when you do something stupid and need some healing, but that's it. These dreams are incredibly bizarre to me—I don't want to be in them either."_

 _"_ _What's it like, being married to him instead of me?" He stirred his soup, now gone cold._

 _"_ _He's kind to me." She smiled, but the happiness of speaking about him dimmed slightly when she remembered how often he was away._

 _"_ _I hope that's enough."_

 _#_

She woke up later than usual. Her dream reminded her that it was indeed her birthday and she'd forgotten about it. The last three of her birthdays had been spent with just her and Sarada. Maybe they could go out to eat somewhere tonight.

Not the Orchid though.

Obviously not—only in her dreams could she get a reservation there.


	2. Chapter 2

_"_ _ _Let's make a baby," Sakura heard her own voice sigh. Her back arched as pleasure flooded her senses, rolling through her in waves with each his thrusts.__

 _ _Her arms went up, wrapping themselves around his torso and digging her nails into his powerful back. She thoroughly relished this moment of raw sensuality, their flesh sliding against each other. His breath fanned against her throat in rough pants. The bed frame shook. She reveled in the knowledge that she was his undoing. Her head fell back, eyes shut tight as she came, screaming his name.__

 _"_ _ _What the fuck?" Kakashi swore, rolling off of her. He turned on the lamp and glared at her.__

 _"_ _ _What the fuck!" Sakura shouted.__

 _"_ _ _Sasuke? Are you fucking kidding me?"__

 _"_ _ _Were we having sex?" she demanded, snatching the sheets clutching them over her naked form.__

 _"_ _ _I think that's pretty obvious—oh fucking hell. Fucking. Hell. Other Sakura?" Kakashi covered his face with his hands. "Why did you have to—I was so close to finishing."__

 _"_ _ _Ew!" She threw a pillow at him, which he caught.__

 _"_ _ _Ew? You're damn right this is ew! I just heard another man's name come out of my wife's mouth during her orgasm."__

 _"_ _ _Oh no. Oh noooo—why are there no rules to this thing!" Sakura felt like clawing her eyes out. She couldn't help but look at Kakashi's erection, still standing despite his outrage. "Cover yourself!"__

 _ _Kakashi dropped the pillow into his lap. "Don't look then," he hissed.__

 _"_ _ _How are you still hard?"__

 _"_ _ _If you must know—it's been a very tension filled night and we haven't seen each other for weeks. Damn it, why am I explaining this to you?"__

 _"_ _ _How do I leave?" She pinched herself and that really hurt. "Ow!"__

 _"_ _ _Stop it—you're going to leave a mark."__

 _"_ _ _If she's really me, then she can heal it, can't she?" Sakura snarled.__

 _"_ _ _How long are you staying? Fuck, I'm not even sure if I can continue after this." He buried his hand in his hair. "You almost gave me a heart attack when you said his name."__

 _"_ _ _Of course I said his name! I thought you were him." She pulled up the sheets even further, covering half of her face. "He's my husband—"__

 _"_ _ _Don't," Kakashi growled. "Don't you dare say that while you're in our bed."__

 _ _She stilled. "I'm sorry."__

 _ _He dragged out a breath. "It's all right. Just…can you go now?"__

 _"_ _ _I tried." She stuck out her arm, the spot where she pinched an angry red.__

 _ _He reached, taking her arm, examining the mark in worry. "They said we should start getting more concerned if you started hurting youself in this state."__

 _"_ _ _It's just a pinch." She took her arm back, holding it against herself. Inadvertantly, she let the sheet drop and Kakashi's gaze fell on her breasts. She shoved him back. "Pervert."__

 _ _He rolled his eyes, swinging his legs off the edge of the bed and picking up the discarded clothes on the floor. She'd been so shocked that it was only now that she realized he had been completely naked, without the mask and all. When he was clothed again, he hadn't bothered to hide his face again or had forgotten. A straight, but angular nose. A sleek jawline. Pleasant lips perfectly balanced against the rest of his face. There had been a rather handsome face hiding beneath the cloth this entire time—or at least her mind had imagined it that way. She snorted at the beauty mark, though. What a weird detail.__

 _ _He handed her a clean shirt and some shorts because apparently he'd torn off her clothes before all of this. The remaining shreds of a lacy night gown was all the remained, strewn in pieces on the floor. She blushed just looking at it, the sheer carnality of it all. He turned away while she put on the clothes.__

 _ _The words she'd heard herself say at the beginning of the dream came back to her.__

 _"_ _ _Were you two really trying for a baby?" she asked when she was covered. Some of the panic had faded.__

 _ _Kakashi, who was sitting with his back to her, glanced over his shoulder. "Yea."__

 _"_ _ _I thought you didn't like kids."__

 _"_ _ _Well, I wanted some of my own. With my beautiful wife, who also agreed."__

 _ _She felt her cheeks glow. "You think I'm beautiful?"__

 _ _Kakashi made a face as if he couldn't believe she'd just asked such a stupid question. It was amazing how expressive one could be when a mask wasn't covering one's face.__

 _"_ _ _How many do you want?" she pressed in curiosity.__

 _"_ _ _Three. But she's not sure she wants that many."__

 _"_ _ _Eek. Three?" Her jaw dropped open. "One was enough." She gathered her knees into her chest.__

 _"_ _ _In that case, hopefully it's triplets the first time."__

 _"_ _ _Oh boy. If that happens, she will murder you. I would murder you, anyway."__

 _ _He laughed. "She would." His laughter died, fading into a frown. "You are so similar to her that I don't understand why there would be a switch in the first place. You're not a separate personality. You are her—just different."__

 _"_ _ _I bet that's weird, talking to me."__

 _"_ _ _You have no idea."__

 _"_ _ _I don't think you're like the Kakashi I know at all."__

 _ _He raised a brow. "I can't imagine I'm all that different. Your Kakashi might already be in love with you, for all you know."__

 _"_ _ _Ha! You're funny."__

 _"_ _ _I'm serious."__

 _"_ _ _Are you…are you playing wing man for yourself?"__

 _"_ _ _I suppose I am."__

 _"_ _ _I'm married," she said flatly.__

 _ _Kakashi made a noncommital noise. "Maybe these 'dreams' are so you can see something better."__

 _"_ _ _You don't know anything about me."__

 _ _He turned to her fully, a smile playing on his lips. "That's where you're wrong."__

#

She loved her life.

Her life was perfect.

She had a beautiful daughter, she was married to her first love, and had an amazing job at the hospital saving lives everyday. She repeated this to herself, not paying attention to where she was going, trusting her instincts to take her home out of muscle memory. She ran face first into a solidly built chest.

"Distracted?" Kakashi caught her.

Her cheeks flooded with heat. Memories from the night before, the electricity in her body as he made passionate love to her, threatened to consume her merely at his touch. She disentangled herself immediately, jumping back. "Something like that."

"What are those?" He nodded to the plastic bag at her side.

"Chocolate making stuff…for," the next words out of her mouth were barely a whisper, "the Love Festival."

"Ah. That is soon, isn't it? You can make some for friends, can't you?"

"Yes, but I'm terrible at making chocolates so you wouldn't want one from me anyway."

"It's not really about how tasty they are…"

Her dream had been trying to tell her something. Do not make chocolates for Kakashi. Do not go down this path. Avoid this consequence at all costs.

"Oh, _sensei_ ," she said, laughing a little too loudly. "I'm sure you'll get plenty of chocolates, don't worry."

"You think?" Kakashi didn't seem to particularly care. "It'd be nice to get one from you though."

"W-we'll see." She then gave him a hasty excuse and fled.

#

 _ _Sakura looked down at her swollen belly and screamed. She clutched the knitting needles in her hand, bending them in her panick induced strength. The door flew open and Kakashi rushed inside.__

 _"_ _ _What is it? Is it the baby?" He knelt at her feet, taking her hand.__

 _"_ _ _I-I'm pregnant!"__

 _"_ _ _Uh, yea. About four months now—oh it's you."__

 _ _She slapped him. "How did this happen?"__

 _"_ _ _Well you see, when a man and woman love each other very—"__

 _ _She slapped him again. "I can't have a child with you!"__

 _"_ _ _Sweetie, it's happening. Not really your decision, but my wife's."__

 _ _Sakura began to rock in her seat—which made her realize she was sitting in a rocking chair. The room was painted a soothing shade of pale green, the color of new plant shoots in the spring. Her heart beat faster when her eyes landed on the crib in the corner. She wrapped her arms around herself.__

 _ _Then the baby kicked.__

 _"_ _ _Holy crap." She ran her hands on her stomach. "It kicked."__

 _"_ _ _Please don't call my unborn child an 'it.'__ _ _ **She**__ __ _ _has been kicking for a while now."__

 _"_ _ _I'm sorry, it's just really jarring to suddenly find yourself heavily pregnant when you haven't been for years."__

 _"_ _ _Oh right, you said you already had a daughter. Your first child? Was it very difficult?" Kakashi glanced at her stomach, his hands opening and closing as if he itched to feel it.__

 _"_ _ _She was a lovely baby…I don't want another one though—why am I dreaming about this?"__

 _"_ _ _I'm telling you that this is quite real."__

 _"_ _ _Yes, yes." She waved his insistence away.__

 _"_ _ _Can you maybe tell me some of the things you went through? Sakura's been so anxious about all of this. I want to reassure her that it's going to be all right, and if she's somehow done this before, even if it's not technically her—maybe it would make her feel better."__

 _ _The other Sakura wasn't the only anxious one. Kakashi, too, had the panic of a new parent in his eyes. She remembered how scared she'd been, raising her first child, not knowing anything except for what she'd read in books. Sakura sighed. What could it hurt?__

 _ _She naturally folded her hands on top of her belly."Her cravings will not end until the baby is born—so stock up on ice cream and olives."__

 _"_ _ _Those are her exact cravings. Incredible. Wait." Kakashi stood up abruptly. "I'm going to take notes."__

 _ _After he came back, she settled comfortably into the rocking chair and began to speak her wisdom. The blankets and cushions lining the seat were particularly soft. Where had they found them?__

 _"_ _ _Foot massages are a must. Do not wake her up early in the morning for any reason less than the house is on fire. Under no circumstance are you allowed to say the words: fat, expand, or shoes."__

 _"_ _ _Shoes?"__

 _"_ _ _If she's anything like me, she'll have read a very sad story about a—" Her eyes began to well up with tears. "No shoes."__

 _"_ _ _Right. No shoes." He nodded, reaching over for a tissue and handing it to her.__

 _"_ _ _Tell her she doesn't have to worry about limiting her activity too much." She laughed. "I traveled with Sasuke the whole time until I went into labor."__

 _"_ _ _Uh…"__

 _"_ _ _I gave birth in a freaking cave. She'll be fine." She looked around in admiration. "This is a really nice nursery. I wish I could have gotten one half this nice ready for Sarada."__

 _"_ _ _Sakura 2."__

 _"_ _ _2? If anything, I'm Sakura 1."__

 _"_ _ _Fine, let's call you Sakura 1 and my Sakura will be Sakura A."__

 _"_ _ _Hmph."__

 _"_ _ _It's concerning to me that Sasuke didn't insist you come back to Konoha to give birth."__

 _ _Sakura frowned. "It was my decision."__

 _"_ _ _If it were me, I would have kidnapped you back to the village." Kakashi sat back, cross-legged, leaning on his hands. "A cave? Seriously?"__

 _"_ _ _Well, there's the difference between you and Sasuke. He respects my choices," she said haughtily.__

 _"_ _ _What kind of partner wouldn't care enough to challenge the other side when they are wrong?"__

 _ _She clapped her hands over her ears. "Okay, that's enough. I'd like to go back now. I don't want to be pregnant anymore."__

 _ _Before she woke, she heard the remnants of Kakashi's voice echo in her mind. "I'm so sorry."__

 _#_

Sakura leapt out of bed, pulled on a sweater and jeans, and ran out of the house. The pregnancy dream had been too much. Too real. She ran all the way to Kakashi's apartment, just as the sun came up over the horizon. She knocked and continued knocking until he ripped open the door.

"Yes?" he demanded, his teeth set in irritation, hair sticking out more wildly than usual from sleep.

"Your face. Sensei, your face." She seized his cheeks, covered by the mask.

His eyes widened and he pulled out of her grasp. "Have you gone insane?"

"Do you have a mole on the left side of your face?"

"What?"

"Mole. Left side?"

Kakashi glanced beyond her, as if he were expecting an enemy to jump through at any moment, then back to her. "How do you know that?" he asked quietly.

Sakura's stomach dropped. "I saw it…in my dreams."

He opened the door wider and ushered her inside onto his old, beat up couch. She sat there, staring blankly for who knows how long until he pressed a mug of hot tea into her hands.

"Are you all right?" he asked, sitting next to her.

She scooted away. "I'm losing it. You were right, I'm going insane."

"You said you saw my mole in a dream?"

"I saw—" everything. She saw everything. "Yes, in the dream."

"I mean, you probably caught a glimpse of it a long time ago and forgot. Or you didn't recognize me without the mask." He patted her hand.

"Oh. That would make sense…" Except did she see his penis somewhere before? She would have definitely remembered that.

"I'm going to eat. Scrambled eggs sound good to you?"

She nodded her head up and down. Vaguely, she heard the sound of egg hitting a hot pan and oil. She walked over the the kitchen when he called her name as if in a haze. Her senses came back to her when he lowered his mask to eat. He made some comment she barely registered about the fun being gone since she'd already seen his face.

His face. Her dream had gotten it exactly right. She __remembered__ the angular set of his nose, his lips, and his jaw. And there it was, in the exact spot she'd seen it in the dream. That damned beauty mark.

#


	3. Chapter 3

"Ino, you don't understand. The dreams are so real." Sakura curled further into herself.

"Did you get yourself checked out?"

"Of course. What kind of medic do you think I am?" Sakura snapped.

"Soooorryyyy." Ino rolled her eyes, digging into the tub of ice cream.

"Anyway. Thanks for coming over. The house feels so empty without Sarada around." Sakura rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Just Sarada?"

"Hm?"

"Nothing."

"I just don't understand what these dreams mean. I'm happy with my life. I love Sasuke and I definitely do not want to marry Kakashi—of all people."

"Oh yea, of all people. Not like he's a mysterious older man with a banging bod." Ino shoveled ice cream into her mouth then pointed the spoon at Sakura in emphasis.

"He was my teacher."

"That was over two decades ago."

"I still call him sensei."

"And that's kind of weird at this point."

"Ino!"

Ino lifted a shoulder. "All I'm saying is, maybe these dreams are not as weird as you think they are. Besides, why are you so freaked out if they are just dreams? I once dreamt that I had sex with Chouji, but that didn't mean anything at all."

"R-right? These dreams don't mean anything."

"Mhm. Now shut up and paint my toes."

#

These dreams did not mean anything.

She glared at the box of chocolates wrapped in the plainest, most friends-only gift wrap she could find. Sky blue paper. Very neutral. She took off half a day of work so that she could track down Kakashi, who she found sleeping in a tree on the outskirts of the village.

"Wha—" he snorted awake. "No peas."

"Here." She shoved the box into his hands. She'd made some for him, Naruto, Sai, and every male acquaintance or friend she knew. She made them with equal varieties, but __not__ with nuts. In fact, she just picked out this box randomly from the many others she'd prepared and brought it to him.

"Why Sakura, I'm touched. Happy Love Festival."

"Happy Love Festival."

"Is Sasuke coming back in time to take you?"

Sakura deflated, looking down at her hands. "There was no word from him about that."

"Well." Kakashi rubbed his chin, pretending to be in thought. "Maybe I can take you and Sarada."

She froze. Oh no. Oh no, it was happening. Rejecting him now, when he had no idea why, because it was simply a friendly offer, would be so strange. She forced out a laugh. "Good idea! And maybe Naruto can come with us with his family!"

"I guess?"

The night of the Love Festival, Sakura's choice of outfit was a lumpy sweater and jeans. She didn't put on any makeup and pulled her hair into a ponytail. She went to Sarada's room to help her daughter with the yukata. Sakura had worn the same yukata when she was Sarada's age.

As Sakura finished up the obi and stood back, she clapped a hand over her mouth as tears filled her eyes. "Hold on, hold on. I need the camera."

"Moooom."

Sakura hurried back, camera in hand, snapping as many shots as she could from different angles.

Sarada giggled. "Save some film for the actual festival."

"You look so beautiful. My sweet girl." Sakura threw her arms around Sarada, squeezing tight.

Sarada blew out a breath, enduring the show of affection before pulling away. She frowned at her mother. "You're not going to dress up?"

"Old ladies don't need to look pretty."

"But I thought you bought a sun dress for the festival."

"It didn't look so good when I put it on." Sakura edged away.

"Well, let me see it."

"Really, what I'm wearing is fine."

"Pleeeeease?" Sarada pouted, slowly blinking her wide eyes.

Sakura felt the attack directly in her heart. So cute. She acquiesced, changing into the dress and coming back.

"I think you look great!" Sarada grinned. "Maybe if you let your hair down…and some mascara?"

Like a prisoner going to her execution, Sakura untied her hair, letting it fall loosely around her shoulders. She allowed, perhaps unwisely, Sarada to apply the makeup. Sakura looked the mirror at the result then back to her daughter suspiciously. "When did you learn how to put on makeup like this?"

"Maybe I practiced…" Sarada said in a sly tone. She grinned as she fussed with Sakura's pink hair. A long time ago, she'd confessed to her mother that she was disappointed that she hadn't inherited it from her. "I'm really glad the Rokudaime convinced you to go. You were being so stubborn about it just a week ago."

As they were leaving the house, Sakura was surprised to find Kakashi waiting for them at the gate. "I thought we were going to meet you there."

"Now what kind of date would that be?" He offered both of his arms to them.

Sarada made most of the conversation, talking about her last mission and what they did. They walked to the street where the festival was being held when Sarada stopped abruptly. Her cheeks were red as she said, "Um, so…Daichi said that he wanted to see the festival with me. I'll meet you back at home after?"

"Wha—Sarada you never told me you had a date," Sakura said. A date? But she was only thirteen!

"It's not a big deal, mom," Sarada responded, backing away.

"But—"

Kakashi interfered, "You shouldn't keep your date waiting. Don't worry, we'll be fine."

"Cool!" Sarada jumped at the chance, disappearing into the crowd.

Sakura glared at him. "Who said you could do that?"

"Young love can't be stopped."

"She is thirteen."

"Hmm, I seem to recall when you were around that age, all you wanted to do was marry Sasuke. I think a little date is a few steps below that."

Sakura frowned. Fair point, not that she was going to admit it. She tossed her hair, pivoting away from him and declaring, "I'm going to buy dango."

She stomped off, but he followed closely. He eyed the paper box cradled in her hand after her purchase. "Not going to share?"

"Get your own." She turned away, ripping off one of the dangos off the skewer with her teeth.

"Share the love. I thought this was the Love Festival."

"Love is silent."

"Love is giving."

Naruto popped in, throwing his arm around the two. "Are you dorks reciting poetry at each other? Careful Sakura, I'll tell Sasuke you're flirting with our old teacher."

Sakura stiffened in horror, but Naruto didn't seem to notice as he stole a skewer of dangos. She didn't even say anything when Kakashi did the same with the last remaining one.

"Where's Hinata?" Kakashi asked, chewing a piece of dango.

"Boruto wanted to win her a doll." In a conspiratorial tone, he added, "Hima is supposed to help him if he can't hit anything. These games are crazy rigged. Shinobi-style."

Sakura was half paying attention. She was as a good as an adulteror, having these dreams of a happy marriage with Kakashi and then to actually go on this…outing with him…It was not a real date. Naruto was here. If only Sarada had stayed. She chewed on the end of the bamboo skewer, all the dangos long since consumed or stolen.

"—kura?" Kakashi turned to her in question.

"Sorry did you say something?" She blinked. Naruto was walking away from them, shouting loud greetings at Lee. "Why is he leaving?"

"He wanted to make sure he saw everyone who came tonight. Said he rarely gets to see them anymore," Kakashi explained. "It was the same when I had the job."

Crap. So now it was just the two of them. This outing was starting to feel more like a date by the second. She had to put an end to it now. It was going too far. "Actually, I think I'm not feeling very well…I might head home."

"Already? I was going to see if I could win that stuffed bear." He pointed at the plushie which, while extremely cute, was most definitely not a bear.

"That's a chipmunk."

"No, I think it's a bear."

"The ears are pointed."

"A rare cat-bear."

She burst out in laughter. "Sensei, a chipmunk makes way more sense than a cat-bear."

"We shall see when I win it, now won't we?" Kakashi wounded up his arm, warming up.

The first few tries were less than spectacular. The goal was to throw the ping pong ball into one of the glass fish bowls, but there was some kind of anti-gravity forcefield surrounding them.

"Is that the best you can do?" the boothkeeper taunted.

"Give me a break Yoshi. Which one isn't rigged?" Kakashi grumbled, aiming the plastic ball.

"The Rokudaime, laid low by a festival game." Sakura clasped her hands to her chest dramatically.

He shushed her and tried again. The ball bounced off the lip of the glass and dropped like lead to the ground.

Yoshi bent over, picking it up, holding it back out. "Another go?"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, slapping a few more coins on the counter. Sakura pressed a hand to her mouth, trying not to laugh too hard.

Then, at last, the ball landed neatly into a bowl. Kakashi raised both of his arms in silent triumph.

Yoshi's jaw dropped. "I'll be."

Kakashi pointed to the doll they'd argued about earlier, receiving it and handing it over to Sakura.

"Are you kidding me?" She turned the doll over, revealing a bobbed bear tail. She tugged on the pointed ears. "So this is a cat-bear?"

"I'm not really sure what it's supposed to be," Yoshi admitted.

"A mistake." Sakura squeezed the doll to herself, relishing its plush softness.

As they walked away from the booth, Kakashi asked, "Still not feeling well?"

A woman with a paper megaphone passed them, announcing that the fireworks would be starting shortly. Sakura felt a tinge wistful. She loved fireworks.

"I might stay and watch the show," she said, thinking out loud.

"Hm, okay. Let's find a good spot then."

They headed to the grassy hill, finding a clear spot and sitting down. Sakura tilted her head up towards the stars and the crescent moon. A balmy breeze scented with early summer wrapped around her. She clutched the doll in her lap, resting her chin on its over stuffed head.

"You know, you really had me worried when you suddenly came knocking at my door at dawn, asking me about my mole." Kakashi laid back, both hands supporting his head.

"Oh. I'm so sorry about that," Sakura said, going red as she remembered how ridiculous she'd acted. "Is that why you came to the festival with me?"

"Hm. Partly."

"What was the other part?"

"There was a legendary chipmunk-cat-bear doll that only a worth hero could—mmmph." He was cut off when Sakura pretended to smother him with the doll.

She giggled, collapsing back onto the grass next to him, leaving the doll on his face.

His voice was muffled beneath the doll. "I knew I would be betrayed this way. Avenge me, mysterious plush animal."

"Your death was foretold the moment you stole my dango."

"Alas, I wrote my own doom. All for the sake of a sweet treat."

"Many men have died for less."

They laughed quietly together. Kakashi lowered the doll from his face, holding it against his chest. "You seem a little different these days," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"More like your old self."

"I've always been myself." Her expression pulled into a frown.

"Maybe it's just that I haven't seen much of you in a while."

"Yea…Life got pretty busy."

"No time for your poor sensei."

"No time for anything." She blew a piece of hair out of her face. She caught sight of the chipped nail polish on her hands and self-consciously hid them by curling her fingers into fists. "The house is a mess. I feel kind of guilty going out when there's still so much to do."

"It won't get worse if you enjoy yourself a little."

Sakura didn't get the chance to answer. A blazing trail of light shot into the air, bursting open into a blossom of sparks against the inky darkness. The deep boom that followed rumbled through her chest. More fireworks went up, shattering bright and colorful. She "Ooo-ed" and "Aaah-ed" appropriately.

"Those are my favorite ones!" She reached over, tugging on his arm when the firework that crackled into golden sparkles like fairy dust went off. She turned her head to grin at him.

He already was looking at her, eyes crinkled in a tender smile at her joy. Her heart thumped. She felt caught in his gaze.

Dream-Kakashi's words echoed back to her.

 _ _Your Kakashi might already be in love with you, for all you know.__

She sat up, scrambling back onto her feet. She'd let this go too far. Her curiosity had pushed her and she had to stop before the point of no return. "I have to go."

"But the show's not over—"

She mumbled a hasty goodbye and fled. The erratic pounding of the fireworks at her back emphasized the rhythm of the one word on repeat in her mind.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

#

Sakura sipped her coffee. Black—no sugar or cream as she usually preferred. The flavor didn't matter to her at the moment. It was her fifth one today in her struggle to stay awake. She glanced at the clock. Her shift was almost over. Her rounds were done. She was going to make it.

A medical text on muscle degeneration sat open in front of her. She'd been trying to understand the same page for the past twenty minutes now. A few knocks on her open office door brought to her attention someone was here to see her. She stiffened.

"Yo," Kakasahi said. He held out the doll from the Love Festival. "You forgot this—although I have gotten pretty attached to him…"

"Thanks." She took the doll, setting it down on her desk.

"Didn't sleep well last night?"

She touched the dark circles under her eyes. She didn't sleep at all. No more dreams. She didn't want to see a different life—she wanted to live her own. "Insomnia, I guess. Thank you for making sure Sarada got back okay."

"What happened?"

"I thought I left the stove on."

"Sakura." His voice was flat.

"It's none of your business," she snapped.

She immediately regretted her words, but what was done was done. Silence followed. She avoided meeting his eyes, her gaze landing on the medical text, the words blurring into incoherent lines.

"Ah." He nodded. "I suppose it isn't."

When she looked up, he was no longer there. The only sign that she hadn't imagined his visit was the doll, mocking her with its cheerful smile. She punched its nose.

After work, she headed straight home. Some of the other doctors and nurses invited her out for drinks, but she made up some excuse about needing to run some errands. The house was dark when she came in. Sarada was on a mission again.

Sakura went to the fridge, opened it, stared at its contents, then closed it. She left the kitchen and went into the living room, where she sat on the couch, not bothering to turn on the light. She got up, neatening the stack of books on the shelf beneath the coffee table. She sat down again, fussing with the cushions before messing up her work by collapsing onto them. Her eyes were so dry. She blinked rapidly, trying to ward off sleep.

#

 _ _Sakura looked down at the slight weight in her arms. The warm bundle cooed, the infant's face lifting up to greet her. A shock of white hair grew from her tiny head. Round green eyes that were exactly like Sakura's blinked from recent sleep. Unconsciously, she clutched the baby tighter. She stood in front of the window of the nursery, looking out into the yard where the other Kakashi and Sakura had planted a vegetable garden that was now starting to come in. The yard in the real world was little more than a patch of grass in need of mowing.__

 _ _Strong arms enveloped her waist from behind. Kakashi pressed a kiss on her cheek, but she didn't move. Didn't correct him.__

 _"_ _ _I love you," he murmured. She leaned back into the warmth of his embrace, willing herself not to break into tears.__

 _ _She took a shaking breath. "The baby is so beautiful."__

 _"_ _ _Takes after her mother." He stroked his child's downy face, smiling.__

 _ _She didn't say anything else, letting the moment go on, an ache growing in her heart.__

 _#_


	4. Chapter 4

Sakura went to work in a daze, but once she was back at the hospital, she was able to forget her own issues and focus on what she needed to get done.

She greeted Gai in the examination room then told him, "We didn't give you that extra wheelchair so that you could use it for your silly bets with Kakashi."

Gai laughed. He was the kind of person who laughed with his whole body—head thrown back, shoulders shaking, voice booming. Sakura almost missed seeing the cheerful man striking his strange poses. He had been using a wheelchair for a few years now after the war and never let it show that it bothered him, despite the fact that she knew it must have been a hard adjustment for anyone, let alone a shinobi.

Someone had once asked him about it and he simply gave a thumbs up and a winning smile. "I am alive and that's all that matters."

"Well, I called you here because I wanted to let you know that shishou finished the trial runs and we're ready to begin treatment." Sakura brought out the insulated box filled with the tiny glass jars of chakra infused stem cells. "It's still up to you, but the trial results were highly promising."

Gai, for once, fell silent. He stared at the jars, reaching out to touch the top of one with a finger. He blinked back tears. "Do you truly think I may walk again?"

"You would be our first human test volunteer, but if it works—we could help a lot of people put out of commission in the line of duty."

"I understand." He slapped his cheeks. "All right. Better me than someone who could not handle it. Tell me what I have to do."

After the first injection, they would wait to see if there was any response. Tsunade had said that there may not be any changes for up to a year, but with regular progress checks through a chakra probe to see if the myelin in the spinal chord was starting to respond. He would also have to come back for monthly chakra infusions that Tsunade herself would administer.

Sakura inserted the syringe into the jar and measured out the contents. "It could take years, even if worked, with rehabilitation and everything else. The injury is fairly old—ideally we think it had a higher chance if we had done it within a few months of when you got hurt, but we didn't have it ready at the time."

"There is nothing to lose by taking this chance," he responded.

Afterwards, as she escorted him out of the hospital, she said, "And please tell Kakashi that the wheelchairs are for people who need it. You need to promise me to stop getting hurt from your silly antics."

Gai looked at her straight-on, giving her a thumbs up. "I don't make promises I can't keep."

#

For the rest of the month, she didn't have any more of those dreams. She took it as a good sign. Her subconscious had just been speculating about a different life because she was stressed out in the real world. It wasn't like being married to Kakashi would suddenly make everything perfect.

"And then, Konohamaru-sensei showed us the jutsu that Boruto's dad—mom can I get these?" Sarada grabbed a box with a fox cartoon character chowing down on biscuits.

"Put them in the cart. How do you feel about eggplant miso soup for dinner?"

"Eggplant." Sarada made a face.

"What's wrong with eggplant?" Kakashi approached, a market basket dangling in one hand. They exchanged polite greetings.

Sakura had not seen him since she'd acted so rudely at her office. She gripped the handle of the cart, shame flooding her because she'd acted like a child. It must have seemed bizarre from his point of view. He had no idea why she was so tense around him and none of this was his fault.

"Eggplant is just so…tasteless and mushy." Sarada stuck her tongue out.

"Well, not if you make it the right way," Kakashi said.

"Is that a jab at my cooking?" Sakura narrowed her eyes.

"No," Kakashi and Sarada replied at the same time.

"Hmph."

"How come you're only buying instant ramen?" Sarada peered into the basket. "You don't cook?"

Kakashi shrugged. "It's cheap, quick, and all I have to do is boil water."

"Is it good?" Sarada picked up the shrink wrapped styrofoam, studying it like an artifact found at an archaeological dig. She was used to her mother making home-cooked meals for the majority of her life. Although Sakura was not one to cut out junk food entirely—she wasn't a monster—she had never let Sarada even glance down the market aisle where the boxes of instant ramen were kept.

"The important thing is that I'm not hungry after I eat it." Kakashi took back the ramen, replacing it in the basket.

Partly out of guilt for her earlier behavior and partly out of pity, Sakura offered, "Why don't you come over for dinner and we can catch up?"

"It's all right. Don't want to intrude." Kakashi waved her off politely.

Right, she'd made it pretty clear she wanted him to maintain his distance.

Sarada bounced on her toes, eyes shining. "After dinner, maybe you could show me a jutsu or two?"

"Well…" He hesitated.

"Please. I insist." Sakura flashed him a smile.

They made their purchases and headed back to the house. The days were getting longer, the light remaining until late in the evening. It had been early spring when Sasuke had left on another mission. The entire time he was at home, he could not sit still, going out to train daily for hours, fixing things around the house, and going through reports he'd already gone through several times before.

As they walked past the front gate of her house, Sakura quickly checked her mailbox, not for the first time that day. She trailed after, apologizing for the mess inside as she took off her shoes in front of the door.

"Where do you want these?" Kakashi held up the grocery bags.

"On the kitchen counter. I'll put them away in just a second." Sakura rushed past him, sweeping through the living room and picking up the books left open, the medical reports she'd been writing, and old mail envelopes piled up because she'd been too busy to check.

"Um…"

Sakura whirled, hiding the stockings she'd been drying on the radiator behind her back. "You can just wait in the kitchen."

"Relax. I'm not going to judge you because of your living room." Kakashi held up his hands.

"I needed to clean up anyway—"

"I'm going to get started on the eggplant, if you want me to show you..?" He jabbed his thumb in the direction from where he came in.

Sakura nodded with false brightness, waiting until he turned away before stuffing the stockings between the couch cushions. She took one last look around. It still looked like a bomb had gone off, but less than it had before.

In the kitchen, Sarada was tying the smaller apron meant for her use like she was putting on armor.

Sakura hastily put on her own apron. "Sweetie, you can relax in your room. I can get dinner ready—"

"I want to help!" Sarada removed the eggplants from the bag, setting them on the counter. She bent her knees so that she was eye level with the vegetables, squinting at them.

"Hope you don't mind me using this," Kakashi said, putting on a frilly apron Sarada must have found for him. "Don't want to get splash back on my clothes. Do I look cute?"

"So cute." Sakura giggled.

He clapped and rubbed his hands together. "All right, now the secret of good eggplant is in the preparation." He washed one eggplant and handed it to her. "Slice it up."

"Why am I taking cooking advice from you? You bought enough instant ramen to last you a month." Sakura pulled out knives from the drawer. "Sarada, do you want to get started on the rice?"

At that, Sarada disappeared into the pantry, returning with a precisely measured cup of rice she poured into the removable pot inside the cooker.

"Just because I'm lazy doesn't mean I don't know how to cook." Kakashi placed the slices of eggplants in neat rows on an extra cutting board. "Where do you keep the salt?"

"The third cabinet to your right."

He found the salt container, twirling it expertly in his hand. "Now the magic begins."

"What are you doing? That's way too much salt!" Sakura protested as he snowed it over the vegetables.

He raised a finger, wagging it. "That's the secret. Now keep slicing."

"Sarada and I are not eating that."

"You will be eating your __words__." He flipped the eggplants over and salted the other side.

Her lips puckered at the very sight of so much sodium. She hesitated giving him the last few slices, wondering if she could salvage this meal with a different pot of soup. When he was done ruining their dinner, he set down the salt, nodding at his work. "All right. Now we let it sit for thirty minutes."

"Oooh, you can teach me in the backyard until then?" Sarada asked.

"What is letting it sit going to do other than let the salt penetrate and make it worse?" Sakura grumbled.

"To the backyard, young Sarada." Kakashi pointed the way, striding forward with confidence.

Sakura shook her head. "The backyard is the other way."

He pivoted, going where she directed. "I was just testing whether you knew your emergency exits."

Kakashi may have had crazy ideas about eggplants and acceptable levels of salt, but Sakura trusted his skills as a shinobi. Retired or not, Kakashi would be a formidable warrior until the day he died.

"Anything in particular you'd like to learn?" he asked, stretching his arms.

Sarada blushed, looking at her feet. She pushed up her glasses because it had slipped down her nose. "Chidori," she said quietly. "That's what you taught my dad, isn't it?"

Sakura's stomach dropped. She met Kakashi's gaze when he asked silently if this was okay.

Chidori. As a sharingan user, one of the last remaining, Sarada could learn to master the destructive technique. Sasuke had learned when he was about Sarada's age from the same man. What happened after was filled with heartbreak and some of the most difficult decisions Sakura had ever made in her life. Learning chidori didn't necessarily mean Sarada's own life would be so dramatic, but Sakura couldn't help but feel that it was a turning point of sorts, because of all of the history that came attached.

But those would be Sarada's choices to make.

"Don't worry about me," Sakura murmured.

"I have a lightning affinity—just like my dad!" Sarada added eagerly.

Kakashi still hesitated. "I can teach you the theory behind it, but it's not something I can really do anymore. I can do a variation of it that's somewhat slowed down. Your father will have to help you if you want to perfect the real deal."

"I think he would teach me…but I don't even know when he's coming back." Sarada's face fell.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Have you two heard from him lately?"

"He sends letters once in a while," Sakura said. "I think he'll be back this summer."

"Well, if that's the case, you'll have something really cool to show him when he arrives, won't you?" Kakashi said. "Activate your sharingan and copy these hand seals."

Sarada nodded, her brow furrowing in concentration. She opened and closed her eyes, the pupils going from black to that piercing red, reknown by the enemies of Konoha as the marker of an Uchiha.

"Ox, rabbit, monkey," he started, going through once and naming each hand seal out loud, then forming them more quickly. "Be careful while you practice. When I first developed it, I couldn't do it more than once or twice a day."

Sarada copied his movements perfectly. Once she got it down, she nodded.

"Mold your chakra for a basic lightning release then concentrate the energy into your dominant arm. Start small, then push more chakra as you get better."

Sarada frowned as she tried it, the first sparks jumping to life in her hand. "It just seems like an ordinary lightning release."

"The key is gathering a lot of chakra in your core before focusing all of it down your arm. The pressure of keeping that much energy together works to your advantage. You'll know you got it right when you can hear the sound."

The sound of a thousand birds, Sakura mused. She always found it such a beautiful name for a deadly jutsu. She went back inside and prepared some iced green tea. When she came back out with the tray, Sarada's sparks had grown much larger, the white electricity flickering wildly.

"Careful." Kakashi dodged a zap to the foot.

"Sorry!" Sarada cried out. She stared at her hand in frustration. The skin on her palm was raw from even the initial use of the technique. Sakura longed to heal it and return it back to its normal, unblemished state.

"Time for a break?" Sakura held up the tray.

They thanked her, taking the glasses and gulping them down. Sarada discreetly studied Kakashi's face out of the corner of her eye when he pulled down his mask. Sakura settled herself with her drink on the patio chair. "I always meant to ask you, how old were you when you developed chidori, sensei?"

"Thirteen."

Sakura choked on her iced tea, coughing. "Thirteen?!"

"Is that young?" Kakashi sat on the patio chair across from her.

" _Very_."

"Ah. Well, I'd just been promoted to jounin. Young, cocky. Thought I should come up with something impressive—not that I could even work it properly at the time. My own sensei told me not to use it in case it became a liability in battle."

"How did you learn to control it?" Sarada asked, flexing her right hand open and closed. Sakura put down her glass and went to tend to her daughter's raw skin, fussing to herself.

Kakashi tapped the scar running down his left eyelid. "That's a long story. And I do believe the eggplants are ready."

"You used to have a sharingan—but you're not an Uchiha." Sarada frowned.

"Indeed."

"And you're not going to tell us."

"Hmm, gosh that was just so long ago. My memory's not really what it used to be."

Sakura rolled her eyes. Her daughter was learning another lesson today: Hatake Kakashi was an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, locked inside a conundrum.

"Just a hint?" Sarada tilted her head, putting a similar puppy-dog look she used regularly on her mother.

"Now, how could I resist that face?" He sighed. Sakura shot him a suspicious glare. He was giving in far too easily.

"You see, there was a secret jutsu on sale at an old witch's hut. I sold my left pinky toe and a molar for it—oof." Kakashi doubled over after Sakura jabbed his side with her elbow as they were walking into the house.

"Liar," Sakura said, but she was smiling.

Back in the kitchen, Sakura's bewilderment over Kakashi's ideas about cooking continued to grow. The man, once again donned in the frilliest apron she own, was now washing off the salt from the eggplants then patting them dry with a paper towel. Sakura tried not to say anything as she boiled a pot of water for the soup.

Sarada peered at the ones not yet rinsed. Fat droplets of liquid had formed over the eggplants. "Where did all this water come from?"

"From the seeds. You have to draw out the moisture or the eggplant gets really bitter." Kakashi turned to Sakura. "Anything else we should do in the mean time?"

"It should be fairly simple—just need to add dashi stock, tofu, and scallions…crud." She slapped her forehead. "I forgot the scallions. Hold on, I'll run to the store."

"I can go," Sarada volunteered, untying her apron.

Sakura handed her the money from her purse. "Come back safely."

When Sarada had gone, Kakashi commented, "She's a good kid."

"She is," Sakura replied, stirring the dashi into the water. The flakes melted in the heat, turning the water golden. "Thank you for teaching her. She's so eager to learn everything—sometimes it's hard to keep up."

"She's going to be a great kunoichi."

"I know. Sometimes, I think that's what I'm afraid of. The 'greats' don't tend to live to an old age, now do they?"

"Uh," Kakashi said, pointing at himself.

"You're not old yet, sensei."

"So by that logic, you're saying I could still die young? Thanks."

"Oh, you know what I mean." Her cheeks went red.

He chuckled. "Just teasing. But what can you do? She's got to live up to her potential."

"I always felt bad for Sasuke for having the weight of his clan on him. Sometimes, I think Sarada tries so hard because she feels the same way he does, perhaps more so because she wants to make him proud." Sakura ladled some of the stock into a saucer, letting it cool before tasting it. "I lied earlier. I have no idea if he'll be back this summer."

"Ah."

"I miss him so much." She jerked her head back so that she wouldn't cry into the stock, blinking rapidly. "But he never stays. I'm afraid he never will."

"Hey." Kakashi moved closer to her, wiping away the tears with his thumb.

She couldn't stop herself. She hid her face in his chest, the sobs racking through her body. Once it started, the waterworks would not stop. A voice in the back of her mind chided her for losing it in front of him like this, but another voice reassured her that of all people, he was the least likely to judge her.

His scent comforted her—familiar to her since she was a young girl. He'd not once changed the type of laundry soap he used in the years that she'd known him. He felt solid beneath her hands. That's the way Kakashi was…steady. A constant in her life even when things went to shit.

She took a shuddering breath, stepping back. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You don't have to apologize for anything," he said.

"I've been so weird lately. Maybe I should reduce my hours at the hospital," she babbled, turning away from him to cut up the tofu into chunks.

"Yea. Maybe."

"Sensei."

"Hm?"

"Is it okay if I don't call you sensei anymore?"

"I told you a long time ago that you didn't have to."

She spooned miso into the stock and stirred it around until it broke up. "When was that?"

"It was probably right after the war. During the celebrations." Kakashi crossed his arms, leaning on the counter.

She gently slid the tofu into the pot, watching it sink to the bottom. "Oh."

They were silent while Sakura put the mackeral in the pan. When she straightened and took a good look at him for the first time in a while, she snickered. "Are you not going to take that off?"

Kakashi picked at the frills of the apron. "It makes me feel pretty."

#

As Kakashi walked home from dinner, he wondered to himself how he'd survived that ordeal. Cooking was no big deal. Teaching Sarada was also something he could handle. But when Sakura showed her vulnerability to him, burying her face in his chest, it was all he could do not to wrap his arms tight around her and stroke her hair. He wished he'd done it. And he was glad he hadn't.

That day when she'd firmly told him to butt out of her business, he understood and did the mature thing by giving her her space. He spent a lot of his time alone anyway. It didn't affect his days. He took care of his dogs, reread his Icha Icha, and avoided his (few) responsibilities. Business as usual.

So for the life of him, he could not fathom the happy skip of his heart when he spotted that bright head of pink hair at the grocery store. At her offer to cook dinner, he'd politely declined, but at the same time he hoped he would be 'forced' to accept if she insisted. Which she did.

He held up the plastic container of leftovers, sloshing the soup inside around.

"This is the best eggplant I've ever eaten," she'd admitted, upon tasting it. He grinned at the memory. He didn't cook often, or even knew that many recipes, but the things he could make, he made _right_.

"Got a spring in your step there," Pakkun commented, padding up to his side.

"Must be my appreciation for life."

The ninken lifted his squashed nose into the air. "I smell Blooming Bouquet on you. Sakura?"

"She invited me over for dinner."

"I haven't smelled her mate in the village for quite some time. It'd be easy for you to move in and replace him." Pakkun nodded in approval.

"That's not how human relationships work."

"Why not? If you don't protect what is precious to you—what is even the point?"

Pakkun made a surprisingly insightful observation, but it wasn't one really applicable to Kakashi. "I'm not interested in her like that. She was just looking rough lately and I thought she needed a friend."

He didn't like that she was smiling less. It caught his attention more than he would admit.

The ninken scoffed. "I know you better than you think. You wouldn't be sniffing around her if you weren't interested."

"Again, I am not a dog."

"Pffft. Humans."

#


	5. Chapter 5

__Kakashi paused his cooing over the white haired baby. She reached out for him with stubby fingers, wiggling on top of her blanket spread out on the living room floor. Had he just been trying to convince this baby to say "Dada?"__

 _ _Whose baby was this?__

 _ _She grabbed his hair and tugged.__

" _ _Sweetie, we're going to be late for dinner at Naruto's." Sakura came in, fixing her earrings.__

 _ _Kakashi gently pried the tiny fingers out of his hair. "Sweetie?"__

 _ _She kneeled down at his side, not minding that she was too close, pressing a hand to his forehead. "No fever. You're not sick, so stop pretending."__

 _ _Hm. He figured this was a bizarre dream where he was married to Sakura. He looked at the baby. A little Hatake, by that logic. He had to admit, his baby was pretty cute. Well, let's see how far this could go.__

 _ _She ushered him upstairs and he got dressed in the clothes laid out for him on the bed in the room they apparently shared. According to her, he would only waste more time trying to decide what to wear. This dream was at least true to the real Sakura. Strange that there seemed to be no sign of Sarada, however. A dream didn't need to make perfect sense, so even if Sakura had never married Sasuke, Sarada could still be around. He didn't think he subconsciously had something against Sakura's daughter. He actually liked her quite well, in comparison to other young people he knew.__

 _ _When Kakashi came back downstairs, he found Sakura bent over her child, much like he'd been at the beginning of the dream.__

" _ _Mama," she mouthed in an exaggerated way, smiling when the baby gurgled happily. Glancing up at him, she asked, "Has she said anything to you?"__

" _ _Uh, not yet."__

" _ _I'm convinced she's a little genius and she'll start talking any day now. Didn't you say you started talking when you were four months old?"__

" _ _Yea…" He supposed dream-Sakura would know that if she was his significant other. He caught sight of the rings on both of their left hands.__

" _ _You clean up well, Mr. Hatake." She slunk up to him, pressing him back against the wall, her round hips flush against his. He gulped. She put her lips next to his ear. "Maybe after dinner, we could…?"__

 _ _Heaven help him. He never knew she could sound so sensual. His head felt light as he urged his cock to stand down. Her lips hovered over his. He could close the gap and taste them easily if he wanted to. Somehow, this felt right—but if he had enough control to remember reality, he didn't want to think of this dream every time he saw her. It would just be a reminder of something that could not be. He just wasn't sure if he could resist if she continued like this.__

 _ _Thankfully (he told himself) she pulled away, winking, her hand tracing a lingering line down his torso before drawing back. He remained frozen against the wall, staring at her with wide eyes. She didn't notice, putting the baby in a carrier and handing the whole thing to him. He obediently took hold, asking the baby silently what all of this meant.__

" _ _I fed Chihiro already so hopefully she won't fuss too much," Sakura said.__

 _ _Chihiro? The baby's name. …His mother's name.__

 _ _He looked around the living room, scattered with colorful toys and picture books. He looked at Sakura, who took his hand, kissing his scarred knuckles. He looked at the baby.__

 _ _It was just a dream that had to end eventually.__

 _ _An impossible dream.__

 _ _So why did some part of him wish it were real?__

#

Things were starting to get back to normal for Sakura. No more dreams. Well, just the usual ones that made no sense. They didn't have startling details about the possibility of another life. She barely ever saw Kakashi either. When he returned the plastic container she'd lent him, he hadn't done it in person. She found it left on her counter with a note that simply said, "Thanks."

She also had him to thank for Sarada coming home from training sessions with electricity burns.

"You have to be more careful. This is the third time this week," Sakura chided. She healed the veins now fully visible on Sarada's body, colored red against her pale skin, branching out like delicate coral down her thin arm and shoulders.

"I almost got it. I just need to ask the Rokudaime a few more questions, but I haven't been able to find him." Sarada swung her legs impatiently as she sat in the chair. Her legs were too short to touch the floor yet. With her free hand, she took the glass of iced milk tea off of the table, sipping it through the straw.

"If he doesn't want to be found, you will never find him." Sakura noticed a few scrapes on Sarada's hands too. Sometimes, she thought her daughter was more reckless than Naruto because Sarada knew she could always come back home and get fixed up anytime.

"I bet I could find him." Sarada's black eyes glinted from the challenge.

Sakura poked her daughter's forehead, laughing gently. "Oh?"

"Yea."

"Do you think you could find him before me?"

Sarada hesitated then said, "I mean I could try."

"You're on, missy."

"Wha—is this a bet?" Sarada's eyes widened. "What do I get if I win?"

"Hmm…what do you want?"

"I don't want to take out the trash for a week. No, a month!"

"Okay, but if I win," Sakura paused in consideration. An image floated up from her memories. Without thinking, she softly said, "You have to help me plant a garden."

Sarada frowned. "A garden? Isn't it a little late for that?"

Sakura straightened, realizing what she had suggested. No taking it back now. "The weather's getting warmer, but it's not too hot just yet. I'm going to the flower shop to pick up some seeds and stuff today."

"Okay." Sarada shrugged, looking over her newly healed hand. She tested out a fist. "I'm going to start looking for the Rokudaime right _now_."

With that, she ran out the door, Sakura calling out after her to be safe. Since Sakura had the day off, she took her time, doing the dishes, vacuuming the house, and picking up those seeds from the Yamanaka family's shop.

"If you're just starting out, try the tomatoes and sunflowers. Beans are fairly easy too," Sai said. He wore a green apron over his normal all black attire, pointing out the seed packets with a gloved hand.

"Ino's not around today?" Sakura asked.

"Just stepped out to visit the farm. Hydrangeas should be coming in soon, with summer and all."

"I love hydrangeas. Do you think I could plant some of those too?"

"I'll ask Ino if you could get a cutting."

"They don't grow from seeds?"

"They do, but it's much easier to grow if you get a cutting."

Sakura beamed at him. "I never thought you'd become such a green thumb."

"Well, it's the family business." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Just these for me. Oh, and those lilacs in a bouquet please," she said, handing him her choices.

He went over the register, punching in the numbers. "Are the flowers for someone at the hospital?"

"No. I'm going to visit the cenotaph." She counted out the money and slid it over to him.

"Ah." Sai gave her back her change then went over to the bucket filled with lilacs. He pulled out a few stalks, shaking out the water they were sitting in. "Any accents to add?"

"Those will do just fine. Simple is better."

He nodded, wrapping the flowers in cellophane and tying them off. He handed the bouquet to her. "Say hello to Neji for me."

Sakura breathed in the scent of lilacs, smiling. "I will."

#

She spotted Kakashi sitting by the cenotaph, leaning against it with his long legs stretched out in the grass. She knew he'd already sensed her approaching, but he didn't look up from the worn copy of Icha Icha in his hand. She laid down the flowers then touched the stone in greeting.

She noticed the half empty bottle of sake by Kakashi's side and was glad Sarada had not found him first. His mask was down too. "Drinking in broad daylight," she said flatly.

"It doesn't make it any sadder if I drink at night instead," he pointed out. Despite the strong smell of alcohol surrounding him, he sounded perfectly sober.

"Is something wrong?" She sat down next to him, not missing the way he shrank away from her.

"Life is a meaningless joke," he muttered, taking another swig of sake.

"You always say that." But he usually did it with a smile. She never got the full details of his life, but she knew enough to understand the scars that had never quite fully healed.

"And I meant it."

"How much sake have you been drinking?" She wrinkled her nose. The smell was overpowering—not something you got after only half a bottle.

"This is my first of the day." He swirled the contents inside the glass. He winked. "Of sake."

"Okay." She made to grab for the bottle out of his hand. "Give it here."

"Uh uh." He stuck it in his mouth and began chugging.

This impossible man-baby. She wrestled him down, pinning him with her weight. He could have gotten away if he hadn't kept trying to drink. She ripped the bottle out of his grip, tossing it into the distance with her chakra enhanced strength.

"Litter bug." He pointed at her then let his head drop back onto the ground.

"You'll thank me when your hangover is less painful than it should be." She patted his cheek.

He seized her hand, pressing it to his face, eyes closed. She stilled. The turmoil in his expression smoothed away as he took a deep breath. His skin was warm beneath her touch, with the faint graze of stubble.

"What are you doing?" she asked quietly. Her hair had come loose, the long pink strands dropping like a curtain around them.

"Pretending."

Her heart thumped. "About what?"

"Can't come up with a good lie right now, sorry."

"But you always lie."

"I can't about this." He opened his eyes and she felt like he could see right into her very core. It stole the air from her lungs. He released her hand. "You should go."

"No, tell me." She moved off of him, but stayed on the ground.

He didn't look at her, standing up. He pulled the mask back into place. "If you won't go, I'll go instead."

"Kakashi," she warned.

He formed the hand seals and was gone in a puff of smoke.

Sakura sat there, long after he was gone. He'd left behind his copy of Icha Icha. That was how much he'd wanted to get away from her. She clenched her fingers into the grass, pulling out handfuls.

Later, when Sarada came home, she sat at the table grumbling while Sakura cooked dinner, "I couldn't find him anywhere. Did you find him, mom?"

"No. It looks like we both lost." Sakura used the long cooking sticks to roll up the layers of egg in the pan.

"I can still help with the garden though." Sarada picked up one of the seed packets, reading the instructions on the back.

"That's very sweet of you, but you still have to take out the trash."

"Boo." Sarada wrinkled her nose, sticking out her tongue.

They shared a simple meal of rice, tamagoyaki and the parsnip kinpura Sakura had made the day before. Sarada told her about the efforts to locate Kakashi—including looking inside the nostrils of the Yondaime on the Hokage Monument.

"Now why would he have been in there?" Sakura laughed.

"Boruto's dad said that he might be."

"I think Naruto sent you on a wild goose chase."

"It's not a very funny joke." Sarada pouted.

"Naruto's jokes are only funny to himself." Sakura picked up a piece of kinpura and placed it in her mouth.

"How is he the Hokage…"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

"Hey, mom?"

"Hmm?" The tamagoyaki was a little salty rather than sweet. She'd have to keep that in mind next time.

"Why did the Rokudaime retire so early?" Sarada pushed her glasses back into place.

Sakura considered it. "I don't think he ever really wanted the job."

"Why not?" Sarada's brow wrinkled. "Isn't being Hokage the best job a shinobi can hold?"

There were a lot of answers Sakura could give. Kakashi was lazy. He hated responsibility. He was too noncommittal.

But none of those were quite the truth.

"He cares too much. It takes a lot out of him, so he likes to pretend not to care at all." Sakura set her chopsticks down over her empty bowl. "Very few people are close to him for that reason."

"That doesn't make sense."

Sakura laughed, gathering up the dirty dishes. "Don't try to make sense of him. You'll just get a headache."


End file.
